Time and tide wait for no man (or woman either)

This morning I wrote what I intended as a lighthearted and entertaining post. Then I asked myself why, because I really don’t feel that way. I feel tired, almost leaden, and sore and sad.  Reading Julie’s moving post on her mother’s birthday gave me a clue. It’s da Nile.

I may not get better.  Sitting here on my couch, listening to a raven calling, the whining of a power saw somewhere in the neighborhood, a plane in the distance, I am starting to see that this could be my life.

“You are old, Father William,” the young man said,
“And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head—
Do you think, at your age, it is right?”
        –Lewis Carroll

It may not be true, but as the weeks pass and the crookedness persists, I begin to wonder whether I’ve entered a new phase, a limping phase, a cane-using phase, a time to admit my limitations and learn to live with them, instead of denying their permanence.  Maybe there’s no going back to the norm of last year. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking. You can’t turn back the clock, they say.  What, not even a year?

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3 Responses to Time and tide wait for no man (or woman either)

  1. Dawn says:

    Funny, I was thinking about this yesterday as we took our dogs out on the golf course to run. Only into the first 15 minutes of our walk, I had to find a bench. My lower back hurt SO BAD!! Excruciating pain and I just had to sit immediately. While I am grateful for a position that is comfortable,, I am growing weary of ALWAYS SITTING !!!! And, I’m not sure those around me really believe what degree of pain I experience. I mean, I LOOK allright, agile, limber, healthy.

    My thing is seeing the “hovaround” (sp) on tv and dreaming of how wonderful it would be to have one as I could actually go places. Ughhhh – good grief,,, what a burden I am and REALLY?? Do I HAVE to subscribe to this limited level of activity at MY young age? DO I HAVE TO accelpt this? Really??? The docs at Mayo seem to think so. Oh, but I’m so not there yet!!

    Where’s the joy in chronic pain? Sorry I am unable to reply to your post with words of uplifting encouragement. Keeping it real , my dear

    • sswl says:

      Aw, Dawn, that’s lousy about your back. I know it’s an ongoing issue, and frustrating and infuriating, as it is for me.Totally agree there’s no joy in chronic pain. Have you explored any of the alternative stuff directed at relieving the pain, if not the actual problem? I’ve found some help there, though no cure-alls. My experience is that western medicine is great at the surgeries and crises, less so with chronic stuff.

      Looked up the “Hoveround.” I’d never heard of it. As a less pricey alternative, a friend of mine with bad hip pain that had him pretty incapacitated recently got a walker with wheels and a seat–so he has someplace to sit down wherever he goes. I tell you, he’s a changed man, out chatting up the neighbors and birdwatching. Finding our limits and the absolute best way to live right up to them–the best anyone can do.

      Hang in there, friend.

      • Dawn says:

        Thank you for your reply. Yes, I have been doctoring at Mayo. We tried injections (directly into the nerves in the spinal cord) with cortisone and pain narcotics – this gave temporary relief one out of three times, so I stopped this tx. Surgery is certainly an option; but my goodness, the risks sound dreadful. Additionally, the next level up from the surgical site will take on the new stress and eventually require surgery. So, long term relief is not in the cards.
        I do feel blessed that I get relief when I sit, but,, well,, yes, you know. . Just yesterday I was introducing my new dog to the neighbor’s grandchildren. Our visit was enjoyable, but soon into it I either had to plop down on the grass or end the conversation – my back hurt terribly. For people I know, I’ll just sit, no matter how or where, but someone who does not know my “issue”,, pride steps in.
        The walker w/the chair I have seen, but, ughhhhh, I’m so young :( I hate drawning attention to myself.

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