Another day of warm, soft air and a young mocking bird trying out its mocking from a high branch, sweet warbles and trills and raspy squawks thrown out into space, waiting with head cocked for a response. Just wanting to communicate, as we all do.
This morning I can listen with equanimity. My husband is safe, at least for now. They found more damage to his heart than we’d known about before, but nothing that puts him in immediate danger. I so appreciate your supportive comments, and those of other sober friends in these wonderful online communities. What amazing good fortune to have found you all!
The years of sobriety have made me more aware of what I’m feeling during crises and what I do with those feelings. I still go numb when I’m scared, go through the motions of whatever I’m called upon to do, but as though my only living parts are the eyes, like a turtle withdrawing into its shell, peering out at the danger. Hours later, I fall apart and start sobbing over something completely unrelated. When I was drinking, that second part didn’t happen, couldn’t happen because of the alcohol–whatever emotions managed to work their way up through the haze were so exaggerated or so flattened, they were a long way from the real thing. Though it’d be even better to have the feelings and the precipitating events a bit more attached to each other, it seems like progress.
My husband just came in the room laughing to tell me that Vinnie, our neighbor’s black cat, was on our dining room table sniffing the yellow chrysanthemums–presumably after finishing off our cats’ breakfasts. Older and bolder and at home in the world. Vinnie, that is, not necessarily my husband. But I’m very happy he is still in the world to share the Vinnie moments.
And I think I have to share this morning’s headlines from the Independent‘s World RSS feed:
–I’m no thief, says Pope’s butler Paolo Gabriele
–20 students killed in Nigeria college campus attack
–Patient sues Kentucky hospital over penis amputation
–Caught on film: the predatory men stalking Moscow
–Anyone but Silvio Berlusconi: Italy begs unelected Mario Monti to stay
–Great Barrier Reef has lost ‘half its coral since 1985’
–Investigators say Oregon farmer may have been deliberately knocked over and eaten by 50-stone pigs
–Ikea airbrushes women from its Saudi catalogue
Our big, wide, wonderful world. Think I’ll start with the 50-stone pigs.