I rose before dawn and Venus was huge and bright in the eastern sky. Quiet house, the others sleeping, only an occasional car on the freeway. I love being up early, the day ahead unrolling like a ribbon.
As I was meditating this morning, I realized I no longer have much desire to drink. I must say, it’s taken long enough! I’ve been sober more than three years, and it’s only recently I’ve felt…well, disinterested. I haven’t had real cravings–the I-want-some-wine-now! kind–in a long time, but I have had a sort of longing for a drinking life. Or at least for the pleasurable effects wine had for so long. Seemed like it was easier to remember them than the bad stuff later on. Some of it was romanticizing the drink, some of it real memories, but now both seem to be fading.
Maybe it’s that I’m more content in my life, better able to take the day as it comes. At least today. There’s only today.
One of my grandsons is here, shooting Nerf bullets at the high wall by the stairs and giggling when they fall down. Yesterday, it was my 7-month-old granddaughter, bouncing in excitement when the cat walked by. Seeing the world through a child’s eyes, especially a very young child, everything is new and fresh and worth exploring. That wide-eyed gleaming love for life.