Addiction by any other name…

I’ve come full circle and am back to the addictions of my childhood–huge cravings for chocolate and sweets.  It sounds silly to call chocolate cravings addiction, but the parallels are striking:  it’s something I hide, hoard, am ashamed of, feel guilty about;  something I know isn’t good for me (I’m diabetic) and ultimately will harm me;  something I promise myself every day I won’t do anymore, and do anyway.

Why do I do it?  That incredible blast of sweetness, followed by self-disgust–what’s that all about?  Is it just pure neurochemistry, or is there a hole being filled?

Partly, it’s because it’s forbidden fruit, from early childhood it always was, all those admonitions about not eating too much sugar.  Alcohol was forbidden too, something I wasn’t supposed to do until I was 21.  The attraction of the illicit.  It must be part of why people like porn.

What if I just gave myself permission to eat whatever I wanted, as much as I wanted? Would that weaken its siren call?  Or would I get fat as a blimp and go on insulin?

I HATE this.

 

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